i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I need moral support for this bender
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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