I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
