My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
