he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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