Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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