Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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