Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
