Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
