Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
