return my video game
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
they need to just BURY HIM!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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