The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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