the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.