Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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