You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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