I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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