Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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