conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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