about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
