I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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