Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
