Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
