Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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