hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
