where am i from again
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
