Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
