Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
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I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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