How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
