drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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