I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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