he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
