I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize