I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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