TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You made out with two different species that night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
