My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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