why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
