how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
