perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
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the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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