At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
