If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
