There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
