I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
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i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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