so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
