i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
