I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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