the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
