Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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