i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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