yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
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Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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