I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
