if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
