shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
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woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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