grandma shit on top of the toilet
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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