He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
