So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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