The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
