hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize