I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
