wrigley field is MILF paradise
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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