i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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