Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
