it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
